(Note: Determine if this is politically correct for your audience.)

You can throw in a cute diversion to a boring public speaking engagement by attributing a saying to an ancient Chinese philosopher. Since these sayings are not attributed to anyone in particular, feel free to change or update them to fit your situation and to enhance their humor.

(The term 'original' here means as original as something can be after being recited and translated for several hundred years.)

Original: You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from nesting in your hair.

Update: You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from pooping on your Gucci blazer.

Original: He who walk on eggs should tread lightly.

Update: He who walk on eggs should find out the price per dozen.

Original: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

Update: People who live in glass houses should pull down the blinds.