Do you remember that old television program that gave the contestant the opportunity to choose one of three doors and receive whatever was behind the door? I was reminded of this television program the other day when I was pondering a decision I was struggling to make. My usual process for decision-making is to make a list of pros and cons, revisiting and revising the list every couple of days. When I feel that everything is listed in the right column, I weigh the pros and cons and make my decision. During this last exercise I had pros and cons on the paper but internally I was reading the headings as success and failure. Now, you know I know better! It didnt matter what I knew when making the list, I still kept reading success and failure. So, in frustration I put the list away and decided to let things sit for a few days and go back to it. This was really good advice, if I do say so myself. It was in this waiting period that I thought of that old television program and the three doors. Now, it wouldnt be prudent to just choose a door and go with whatever was behind it, but the thought of the three doors made me realize I had three options. If I chose Door #1, I would choose option #1. Choosing Door #2 would mean I opted for the second option and if I chose Door #3 I would be choosing not to choose. When it comes to decision-making we sometimes forget that not choosing is making a choice. We lose sight of the fact that not choosing can be healthy and rewarding. Now, of course, I dont mean you can just go through life letting life happen all the time, with no decision-making effort on your part. But, sometimes, that is just what you should do. When the decision-making is really tough, when you are thinking about it all the time and feel like you are getting nowhere, why not choose Door #3? The next time I made my list I listed headings of Door #1, Door #2 and Door #3. Under Door #1 I listed all of the really good things about that option and then I did the same thing for Door #2. I did not list any cons! I simply created a vision of the best of both options. Under Door #3 I wrote serendipity (the gift of discovering things accidentally). By not forcing myself to choose I opened Door # 3 and allowed myself the freedom of discovery. By not labeling pros and cons the success/failure identifiers went away. I now am able to discover whether Door #1 or Door #2 holds the prize I want to attain by envisioning, and living in the vision, of the best of both options. Interesting Word History: English author Horace Walpole coined the word serendipity. In a letter of January 28, 1754, Walpole says that this discovery, indeed, is almost of that kind which I call Serendipity, a very expressive word. Walpole formed the word on an old name for Sri Lanka, Serendip. He explained that this name was part of the title of a silly fairy tale, called The Three Princes of Serendip: as their highnesses traveled, they were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of.... |
